Read Mey's Minds

About love, life, sometimes hateful thoughts…

Apology management (English version) 23/03/2010

Filed under: English Version — Mey @ 19:43
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Coverage of science management is extremely broad. It is ranging from marketing management, human resources management, operations management, financial management, knowledge management, even Qolbu management.

What about the Apology Management? It is about managing an apology. Something that seems trivial and trivial, but often we unwittingly do and often disrupt our lives when we rejected the apology.

Have you ever fought?

Is there anybody who never fought in his / her life?

Yes, the last few months it’s practically like I’m arguing with someone. Actually it is not pretty much arguing, not well. It can not be fought directly. If you say that it is fine – well, not exactly. Whether since when we stopped talking, there is no story, there’s only satire, satire cynics which funnily we never express it to each other face to face.

But, that’s alright. Now everything is normal. It was right again. Maybe we just – just tired of unclear confrontation as yesterday, and finally all decided to make peace with the circumstances, succumb to ourselves, and try to fix all that has been cracked.

To be honest, during the cold period, there are some things that I can’t tolerate from her. There are some bad habits that I can’t accept. And usually I don’t ever really could forgive someone like that, under any circumstances.

But this time, for some reason I forgave her. Really forgave her. Why?

It is perhaps because of the situation. Maybe I was too tired to save hatred. Maybe because I started to realize that it’s time to make peace with myself and with the situation.

Our current situation was complicated, very complicated. We are stuck in all difficult situations that can cause chain effect. These situations require very much patience and broad-mindedness in order to understand each other. We can all easily say, “She’s not mature enough to get through it all.” We could easily think, “She’s really irrational and can only aggravate situation.” But we ourselves may not be able to be mature enough in facing the existing complexity. Even rational and reasonable action may not be true when in reality such action hurt others.

At first it was hard to accept the complexity and any bad effects on me. There was a time, I don’t remember about how many days, I spend time in silence and blame a lot of people silently. It was comfortable to hate and blame others. But somehow, long after that, lately I’m awakened from a nightmare, awakened from my hibernation. After trying out for a few days, I try to accept it and forgive all people, as well (so far) trying to forgive myself and apologize to everybody.

I forgave her because I’m trying to understand her situation. I tried to look at the situation from her perspective. And when I began to realize that her situations were not really much different (compared with mine), I began to forgive.

A researcher has a hypothesis that the physical condition of a person closely related to his / her mental condition. In other words, if our mood is not conducive, it will give certain negative effect on our physical condition.

Many years I keep arguing and refusing to really believe that hypothesis. I think that we can set our mental condition, if we are wise enough to be honest with ourselves and if we are rational enough to realize that we can not be spoiled and selfish. And I think, the extent to which a person’s mental state can affect his / her physical condition, it depends on the each individual characters. Along with age, we should not be spoiled, strengthen our inner, keep act rational and professional, so any our bad moods are not going to give a chain effect on our body.

But these last few months, along this cold period, I began to feel and think about some things. Began to realize some things and started to accept some, even many things. My mind and my arguments were not changed, but I can accept the hypothesis and gracefully tolerate. And I begin to forgive.

It is enough with one single word of tolerance and forgiveness, a situation which had been cold and slowly begins to be warm and conducive. It is enough with a piece of sincere apology.

Why is apology so important? Sorry, is just a simple word, which is not necessarily followed by actual actions. Everyone can easily say sorry and be nice in front of others, but who knows what they are really thinking inside their mind.

I myself often do that. It was a little embarrassing to admit this in public, but it is reality. We are often positioned to say sorry only as a formality. We say sorry just to cool the heated atmosphere. We say sorry just to please others, but in fact in our hearts, we grouse and cursed person.

It sounds ridiculous. Why? Because we often do these useless things to the people we care about. They’re our families, our friends, our boyfriend / girlfriend. It is so ironic, isn’t it?

Remember when we were aged about 13 or 14 years old? The pre-teen ages when we often started to get together with our close friends to the mall, began to love chatting, making a call, or sending some short messages with our friends, and began to feel what is called puppy love. When we are caught using tuition money to buy whatever we want. What did we say to our parents at that time? Was it a sorry word? Yes, sorry. With crying and bowed heads we say sorry, but at the same time we were talking to ourselves, “I could act like this whenever I want.”

Remember when we were about post-teen? It is around the age of 17 years or more. When we would prefer to go out with our boyfriend / girlfriend and lie to our friends (thanks for Mr. D**** R******* for our funny experience before =D). What’s on our mind when we say sorry?

Or when we’re bickering with our boyfriend / girlfriend, then with the grouse we apologize to ease the heat in the atmosphere while our hearts are cursing and arguing about how selfish they are.

Then for what the apology was uttered?

If we’ve learned to forgive each other seriously indeed, why wouldn’t you try?

There is nothing wrong with asking for forgiveness, and vice versa, nothing is wrong with not apologize when we are faced with circumstances that do not need an apology. The best thing is the actual act, not a word of apology.


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