This is the reality…
It is as real…
World made me realize that the fact I have is actually a vacuum. All that had been seen as content in my eyes is actually just a blank. And I have been really realized that content isn’t always better than empty. And either empty is not necessarily more excruciating than content. And now I really enjoy my emptiness.
It’s not that I have nothing. It’s just that I feel more comfortable considered myself have nothing at all. So when all I have, especially my most important things, turned into a blank, I don’t have to feel too hurt.
Some times ago, when my breathing seemed to stop. My neck felt like it had been choked. My heart felt like it had been cut and torn. My loss at that time made me realize one larger meaning, one more meaningful thing. In an empty state, if we are able to interpret it, verily inside that empty state, there are contents. It is contained with contents which is more substantial than a content state.
And I finally managed to enjoy my life. All empty state. Intentionally I made it all blank. I did everything by myself. But I never think about closing my heart of the existence of others. It’s just that I’m happy and getting used to this loneliness. One of the things that sustain me is the memory of my loneliness in the past. First, I didn’t to anyone else too. Then why if I’ve just found a figure that is least similar to what I was looking for, I should become a person who relied on it?
There are times when I need to rely, indeed. At least I must show a “need to rely” attitude to others (thanks for my closest friends who always remind meJ). I’m aware of it and don’t want to runaway from the God’s will. I just don’t want to end my life as a spoiled lady locked in a cage. I want to be independent, stand and walk side by side with my couple beside me, together welcome the future.